Going about my day today I started thinking to myself how this challenge may change my attitude in general. Maybe some days it will not affect me much at all; the thought that I am not buying clothing won't change me, but on other days it may be a bit of a mental battle...of self-control. Now, self-control and I have an interesting relationship. In some things I have great self-control and on other things (like my snappy anger outbursts) I have absolutely no self-control at all. In fact, it seems like something else is controlling me! So today I woke up and had in my mind the realization that I should open my eyes to even the little ways this challenge may be changing me.
The thing I noticed most was that I was way more careful with the things I DO have. I was working in my sons classroom doing science experiments where bleach was involved and I thought to myself, I don't want to get any on this on my sweater. I love this sweater; I bought it at Banana Republic on a girls night out and wear it several times a month. Plus it's green and well, I love green. Anyway, then I thought if it were not for this challenge I might still be careful, of course I would, but I wouldn't be quite as careful about it. I would know if it did get ruined that they still had them at the store and I could find another one or one like it. But, because I knew this was my only one, I somehow treated it with more love. Now what is the translation of this in real life? Is love connected to the idea that this is the only one? This is your only spouse, treat them well; as opposed to "I will love him more when he's nicer". These are your only children so love them; as opposed to "there will be another chance to talk to them". Is love there...is love begging us not to waste...begging us not to always look for upgrades on our homes, our friends, our families?
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
The Journey Begins
“Do you have enough?”
After the sermon the question still rang softly in my ears, “Do you have enough?” When I heard that question...when it popped up on that screen in black and white boldly asking the audience, I knew my answer was “yes” immediately. But then what?
As I went about my life, as I spoke with friends, as I enjoyed a glass of wine with my husband, as I decorated my house with Christmas glitter; still my ears were listening to the quiet question, “Do you have enough”.
The question settled there in my mind, found a pillow of comfort within me and stayed. Why did it lay there when I knew my answer was “yes”? The question was not satisfied with my answer. It didn’t really believe that I acted like I had enough. And so I thought…If I am sure I have enough which clearly I do, then why don’t I act like I have enough? I suppose that’s the second part to the first question.
Do you have enough?
Do you act like you have enough?
The only conclusion to my dilemma is that I am a bit of a spoiled brat. Am I rich, definitely not! Do I have a budget, definitely yes! Really I only give myself 50 dollars to spend on what I call, “The mommy fund”. In fact we had to cash out a retirement fund just to survive the next year until Rob (my husband) is off his probationary year. That said…I still absolutely, positively, have enough! So if you are still with my neurological psycho babble, the next question is,
“How do I act like I have enough?”
In some ways I feel like I need to convince myself that indeed I do have enough. Part of me must think I am lacking if I don’t act like I have enough. To back up for a second, I am not a chronic shopper. Typically I don’t buy a ton of stuff, but I do buy stuff I don’t need. I buy books I don’t need; they’re at the library, and clothes I don’t need; my closet is full! And then, amongst all these thoughts running races in my head, I thought of a challenge. Now, I love a good challenge when it makes a person closer to God and overall a healthier person. So here it is…dare I say it? If I say it, I must follow it…
For one full year, until Thanksgiving 2011 I will not buy one item of clothing. Now I know your first question, “what about underwear?” But here’s the thing, I have 10 pairs! How can one possibly go through that much underwear in a year. And here’s the other thing, what if I only had 2 pairs left after 6 months? I would wash them every day, big deal! And yes, this might be drastic, and yes, unnecessary, but I am convinced there is a lesson here. Join me if you dare. Convince yourself you do have enough and find your happiness and joy and rest in God this coming year even in the midst of beautiful clothing.
After the sermon the question still rang softly in my ears, “Do you have enough?” When I heard that question...when it popped up on that screen in black and white boldly asking the audience, I knew my answer was “yes” immediately. But then what?
As I went about my life, as I spoke with friends, as I enjoyed a glass of wine with my husband, as I decorated my house with Christmas glitter; still my ears were listening to the quiet question, “Do you have enough”.
The question settled there in my mind, found a pillow of comfort within me and stayed. Why did it lay there when I knew my answer was “yes”? The question was not satisfied with my answer. It didn’t really believe that I acted like I had enough. And so I thought…If I am sure I have enough which clearly I do, then why don’t I act like I have enough? I suppose that’s the second part to the first question.
Do you have enough?
Do you act like you have enough?
The only conclusion to my dilemma is that I am a bit of a spoiled brat. Am I rich, definitely not! Do I have a budget, definitely yes! Really I only give myself 50 dollars to spend on what I call, “The mommy fund”. In fact we had to cash out a retirement fund just to survive the next year until Rob (my husband) is off his probationary year. That said…I still absolutely, positively, have enough! So if you are still with my neurological psycho babble, the next question is,
“How do I act like I have enough?”
In some ways I feel like I need to convince myself that indeed I do have enough. Part of me must think I am lacking if I don’t act like I have enough. To back up for a second, I am not a chronic shopper. Typically I don’t buy a ton of stuff, but I do buy stuff I don’t need. I buy books I don’t need; they’re at the library, and clothes I don’t need; my closet is full! And then, amongst all these thoughts running races in my head, I thought of a challenge. Now, I love a good challenge when it makes a person closer to God and overall a healthier person. So here it is…dare I say it? If I say it, I must follow it…
For one full year, until Thanksgiving 2011 I will not buy one item of clothing. Now I know your first question, “what about underwear?” But here’s the thing, I have 10 pairs! How can one possibly go through that much underwear in a year. And here’s the other thing, what if I only had 2 pairs left after 6 months? I would wash them every day, big deal! And yes, this might be drastic, and yes, unnecessary, but I am convinced there is a lesson here. Join me if you dare. Convince yourself you do have enough and find your happiness and joy and rest in God this coming year even in the midst of beautiful clothing.
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